The Interview

Dearest readers,
It has been far too long since I have graced you with a post on this illustrious site, and for that I apologize. However, I have been exceedingly busy with such things as heartache, book writing, poetry creation, theater innovation, and dragon hunting/slaying/swimming lessons. However, I was recently interviewed by the ever laudable establishment of StartFrowning. They published the interview in their latest issue, so without further ado, enjoy this article. Next time, I swear I will have written something myself.

StartFrowning: So, Mr...

Christian: Whoa, Mr. Gonzalez is my father. Let's drop that, first of all. You can just refer to me as your Lord and Master.

SF: Ahh...

CG: Ha! Kidding.

SF: Right.

CG: Any way, so, I'll bet you're wondering why I called you and asked you here today.

SF: Actually, Christian...we called you. In fact, we've been calling you for since last April. It took you eight months to finally get back to us.

CG: I doubt that.

SF: You must be joking.

CG: Well.

SF: Never mind. Let's just get started, shall we?

CG: With what?

SF: The interview...

CG: Right.

SF: So. As I was saying, Christian, we have noticed that your name keeps appearing in different places, we were...

CG: What, like the sky?

SF: Uh...no.

CG: On the sides of buildings?

SF: It's a figure of speech.

CG: Oh.

SF: Yeah.

CG: I knew that.

SF: I'm sure. As I was...

CG: You don't think I knew that?

SF: (sigh) I believe that you knew that.

CG: Good. Because I did.

SF: Let's get on with it, shall we?

CG: I'm waiting for you, dude. My time is yours.

SF: Excellent. So, Christian, we were looking at last month's issue of "Uncanny Greatness" and could not help but notice that you had written an article for them entitled, and I quote, "The Art of Being Great." You then go on to enumerate the ways in which you yourself are terrific, however, you never actually got around to any bit of practical advice on how to attain such awesomeness...

CG: I had hoped you would ask that question.

SF: Um. I haven't asked a question yet.

CG: Yes, you did.

SF: No, I didn't.

CG: Yeah...

SF: Please. Christian, I have a tape recorder right here, would you like me to replay the tape to prove to you that I have not yet asked a question.

CG: No. I believe you.

SF: Good. So, now, here's my question: How does one actually attain such awesomeness? If you yourself have listed the various ways in which your greatness is manifest, how can the common person, such as myself, rise to your level?

CG: I'm sorry.

SF: You're sorry?

CG: Yeah. For before.

SF: What?

CG: I wasn't really listening and I was going to make up a response.

SF: I know. But, Christian, we're a little beyond that now.

CG: No, we aren't. We need to face it now...Give me your hands.

SF: What?!

CG: Just give them here.

SF: Please, don't touch me.

CG: Just for a little.

SF: No, stop it.

CG: Come on.

SF: Stop. Just stop it. Stop.

CG: Just for-

SF: Enough.

CG: Jus-

SF: No.

CG: ---fine.

SF: Thank you.

CG: Yeah...

SF: So, anyways. How do we attain such awesomeness?

CG: (silent)

SF: Christian?

CG: (silent)

SF: Please, Christian. Stop pouting.

CG: No.

SF: *sigh* Fine.

CG: I hate you.

SF: Good grief. This interview is over.

CG: No, I'm sorry!!!

SF: Christian...

CG: I'M SORRY!!!!!

SF: Get off the floor.

CG: I'M SO, SO SORRY!!!

SF: Stop hitting the ground. Get up. Stop it.

CG: AHHH!!

SF: Okay...I'm leaving.


Yep, so there you have it. Me in all my glory. I was pretty excited to see it in the magazine. Hope it was as enjoyable for you as it was ego-boosting for me!

PEACE!