Zac & Christian, a conversation via text messaging

Dec. 4, 1:54 PM, EST (11:54 AM, Thanksgiving Day 2007, California-time)

C. Gonz: Plus. If one day it were to be published, I might get to meet him [Ben Gibbard], which would really just be a ploy to steal Zooey back. Seriously. I mean. Come on. We're in love with the same woman, for crying out loud! Also. I'm really sad that I burned my tongue on my coffee this morning. :( In the words of Michael Scott, mo' money, mo' problems.

Z. Chast: Is the lesson here that sometimes the early bird doesn't get the worm? Also, I just got 3 texts, one you just sent and two from earlier, re: Meeting Gib and stealing back Zooey. I no longer trust my phone.

C. Gonz: It's tough when the things you used to think were true no longer are.

Z. Chast: Suddenly you look at your mom and think, "Maybe you are nurturer. But maybe you're not."

C. Gonz: That's when you know you've arrived at agnosticism, and you have no choice but to become a vegetarian just in case cows really did create the world.

Z. Chast: And as you're sitting on the toilet after your 3rd bowl of vegetarian chili, you think to yourself, "This isn't the life I imagined."

C. Gonz: Except for maybe the diarrhea. You really should have seen that coming give the bowel loosener supplement that you used to swear by.

Z. Chast: And that's just the problem, isn't it? When you began, science was your savior, but now she's your wife. And she is a fickle, tempestuous whore.

C. Gonz: Now all you want is death, death for your birthday.